the little things

I'm missing the little things. well, and the big things, like my family and friends... but every day, something little hits me. Like the fact that it's weird for me to see pictures of the new kids in Concert Choir, VSB, barbershop and beauty shop, etc. It's weird to see MY friends in pictures with people I havn't met... and they look happy, which makes me sad. It shouldn't, but somewhere deep down, it does. I think it's because everyone's moving on but me. I came back to the same old people, but everyone else is moving forward, and now not everyone in choir knows my name, or at least my face. And it's not just choir. I think I'm having a harder time than I realized with the fact that I wasn't in school this semester. I accomplished nothing while everyone else around me was busy working towards graduation. All my friends will be second semester Juniors, but with the semester I missed, and the classes that didn't transfer, I'll be a second semester sophomore.... a whole year behind. I'll graduate in 2011 instead of 2010. I thought that didn't bother me anymore, but I guess it still does. I miss the comfort of passing a exorbitant amount of Starbucks in 5 miles down the same road. I miss the ocean and newport church. I miss living on campus. I miss driving through 3 cities in 10 minutes. I miss funky places to hang out like the Gypsy Den. I miss silly photo shoots at the park and stealing bread from the caf to feed the ducks. I miss Office parties in Carly's room. I miss seeing a krochet kids shirt or hat on every other person. I miss trendy slouch boots, skinny jeans, v-necks, scarves, and slouchy beanies... even if I didn't wear them. I miss my digital camera. I miss singing. I miss worshiping. I miss seeing my friends lead worship. I feel like I'm floating, and like everyone else is moving along in a straight line. I'm so proud of all my friends who are RA's, worship leaders, members of VSB, members of dboys and entourage, frontline leaders, etc. They're all accomplishing their goals and achieving their dreams. But what am I doing? Staying up till 5am writing this sad blog? I'm sorry this is so cumbersome and depressing. I'm not depressed... I'm happy I'm here, I'm just in a slump. I feel kind of unmotivated, and I guess I'm second guessing myself. I worry so much about the future and how my actions affect the outcome of my life. I really just need to put it all in God's hands and trust that he's taking care of me. It's just so hard to do when you have no idea what lies ahead...
I can't go back for Christmas...
time to grow up Kristen.
until next time...